Can it be Substituted?
by Spring Zephyr
Summary: Takemaru's feelings and an illusionary Kakeru.


There was a decidedly male voice in his ear murmuring soothing words, convincing him it would be all right to just stop worrying and... let go...

Stop thinking so much, and...

Takemaru shivered. "I can't do this..."

He wasn't sure if he was speaking to Maya or to himself, but she stopped. Her face, however - it looked exactly like Kakeru's, and she wasn't moving it away from his. She was hovering over his shoulder, letting her, letting Kakeru's, breath tickle his skin. It landed somewhere between his jawline and his cheek, because both Maya and Kakeru were oh-so much taller than him even when they were leaning over.

'And no, no,' he had to remind himself again. 'This isn't Ma... Kakeru, it's only Maya now.'

How badly he wished it could've been Kakeru though!

So badly that he almost didn't care about how Maya apparently KNEW. If he weren't pressed against the wall, he might've taken another step back, retreated even further, because that was a rather unsettling thought. He'd tried so hard not to be obvious about it, after all.

Takemaru took a deep breath, hoping the oxygen he'd missed out on in the last several moments would make it easier to think clearly again.

"I... can't..."

It was tempting, but Maya had offered it and even though she looked like Kakeru now, the very thought made his blood run cold. He wasn't attracted to Maya. He knew that.

Maybe if he could pretend though...

He grimaced, refrained desperately from shaking his head to get those thoughts out, because that would have just been too obvious. And Maya was uncanny. If she already knew this much, then she was even better at reading people than Takemaru had given her credit for. Or maybe he was too anti-social, too naive to read the cues even when it became obvious that he was cornered.

This time he was even being literally cornered.

For some reason, the only thought on his mind was that he wouldn't mind it as much if he were being cornered by Kakeru instead.

Maya's eyebrows shot up and her lips twitched into a smirk, all with the appearance of Kakeru's face. It was so obvious then that this was Maya, because derisive and coy and mocking were all default expressions of Maya's, but they looked so very foreign on Kakeru.

He didn't like this Kakeru, he much preferred his - not his, damn it! This wasn't how Kakeru behaved, at any rate!

"Is that your voice I hear cracking?" she replied in a sing-song voice. Using Kakeru's voice. Her response was delayed, she didn't sound as gentle or as caring as he imagined Kakeru would be... He'd been scared for a while that maybe she actually could talk him into this, talk him into giving up his first kiss to an illusion.

Kakeru's voice was a sound that he usually enjoyed, albeit secretly.

And, well, he wasn't really scared. Takemaru wasn't sure what he felt, but confused and excited and disgusted all rolled into one sounded like a good place to start when picking apart his current emotions.

He wanted to tell her to stop, but it was still Kakeru's voice and he was still getting closer attention from it than he usually did. Takemaru felt torn. This was probably the only chance he was going to get, but why was he so seriously considering it?

"It doesn't mean anything to me," he lied, grasping randomly at anything that might save his dignity. If he gave in, he would've felt like he'd lost at something. It was what Maya wanted him to do, and while he wasn't sure whether her intentions were good or bad, it was what Maya wanted him to do.

Could he tell himself that, really? He was eager to experience what a first kiss would be like, but he'd wanted it with Kakeru.

And Maya apparently knew that also.

"Oh, come on, Takemaru. I know you haven't had your first kiss."

She perfected the pitch a little more then, the Maya-ness of it lying underneath the warmth and good will he'd come to associate with Kakeru. How had she managed to replicate that so fast?

"...How did you even find out?" Takemaru asked hesitantly instead.

Takemaru was used to being mistrusting. He rarely laughed, even after Kakeru's presence had lightened some of the darker feelings inside of him. But he was still naturally cautious and he'd never told anyone, so what the hell?

"What?" Kakeru looked surpri- Maya crooned at him, in Kakeru's voice. "When it comes to love, is that really even important? Takemaru, you do love me, right?"

Her acting now was slightly too convincing for Takemaru's tastes. The wide eyes, slightly stunned and a tiny bit hurt, resembled the real deal a little too closely. Kakeru's mouth fell open, only a narrow a gap.

"Is it because we're both boys?" he - Maya, Maya! - Maya questioned.

That look on his face was so innocent, so very Kakeru, that it left Takemaru at a loss for words. "I... I, uh..."

It had definitely bothered him, but perhaps not on account of the fact that they were both male. He didn't even... Would Kakeru's lips feel the same against his own as any other person on the planet? He'd never exactly sat down and written a list to himself about what made Kakeru so important.

Or maybe that did have something to do with it. Takemaru never would have dared admitting it to anyone on his own. He was in denial, at least to a certain extent.

Another part of him knew what he felt was inescapably real.

He didn't...

"I-I-I really can't...!" Takemaru yelled, jolting out of his reverie, placing two firm hands on the Kakeru illusion's shoulders.

Some time while he'd been lost in thought, Kakeru-Maya had started leaning in. The half-lidded eyes, the slightly pursed lips, this was exactly what Takemaru had imagined the moment before kissing – being kissed by – Kakeru would look like in his imagination.

Actually, in his imagination, he'd always been the one taking the lead. Ironic.

"Kakeru's" mouth was only an inch away from his. He could have settled for the feeling of Kakeru's mouth against his. The panicked increase of Takemaru's own heartbeat and the trembling of his fingers kept his mind from growing completely blank, but they also told him otherwise.

"I see," Maya said dully, dropping the illusion a second later. "You really do love him."

She doesn't even have time to leave the room, because Takemaru runs away first.

**Writing fanfiction for unpopular manga.**

**Well... (I hope that someone, eventually, will tell me what they thought of this story.)**

**It was supposed to read something like, "Maya is genuinely interested in helping Takemaru, but she does so in a messed up way". However, since Maya also has a crush on Kakeru, I feel like she'd deal with it the same way she does Ayano... So, in the end, maybe Maya's a little self-centered after all.**


End file.
